Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Do It This Way

I'm an inquisitive type.  I love to learn.  Now, there are two ways to go about learning;  formal education, or self education.  I went with the latter.  For one, the tuition is dirt cheap.  Plus, I can study at my own pace.  I can experience the thrill of discovery.  And, I don't have to hear the rest of the class laughing at my mistakes.  The down side is I had a fool for a teacher.  But that's OK.  Back when I was just learning to draw and paint, no one was interested in realism, so finding a school that taught what I wanted to learn was like finding a scholar at my High School-- Damn Impossible!

But, now we've got the internet! Everything you ever want to know is here at your fingertips.  Who needs to be patted down by the TSA so you can get to France to see the Louvre?  See it online!  ( By the way, the TSA has a new screening procedure: Dunk Tanks.  If you're a terrorist, you float, if you're not, you sink.)  Want to see the greatest painters of all time?  The Art Renewal Center has what you're looking for.  Want to learn to paint?  The internet has what you need.  In the interest of time, I've broken down and synopsized all you need to know from all the countless "How To" blogs out there. 

You're welcome.

Ok, first:

  • Always Paint on inexpensive Canvas.
  • Always use expensive Belgian Linen.
  • Always paint on Masonite.
  • Always paint on two-ply toilet paper.

For your supplies:
  • Always use the most expensive brushes
  • Always use cheap, disposable brushes
  • Always use your fingers, nose, tongue- any part of your anatomy that can smear paint

For your paints:
  • Always use Windsor-Newton
  • Always use Old Holland
  • Always use Edible Oils
  • Always search the dumpsters of good artists and use what's left of their used paints.

For subject matter:
  • Always do Still Lives
  • Always do Landscapes
  • Always do Nudes
  • Always do little Angels on the back of shovels: They sell like hot-cakes at bake-sales!

For Marketing:
  • Always use a Gallery
  • Always sell without a Gallery
  • Always sell any possible way you can make a buck.
  • Always hang on to your paintings so they'll appreciate in value when you're dead.

There you have it!  All you need to know about painting.  I hope this information clears up all those endless questions about painting, and comes in handy for you as you wander on that crazy journey we call "Art".   And remember, if the answer isn't in your heart, it's in an Art Blog! 


martinealison said...

Kevin, aujourd'hui, après un long voyage de 12h j'ai plaisir à vous lire... Vous me faites sourire...
MERCI à vous pour ça...
Il est vrai que lorsqu'on est gamin on n'a pas le sens de l'apprentissage. On image l'enseignement comme une galère, punition pour enfant. Alors qu'adulte on tire tous les avantages de ce que l'on veut apprendre... VOULOIR...On ne veut pas quand on est petit...
Je suis aussi tout à fait d'accord avec vous en ce qui concerne l'attitude certains enseignants... qui devraient eux apprendre à faire autre chose!!!
Kevin, now, after a long journey of 12 I enjoy reading you ... You make me smile ...
THANK you for that ...
It is true that when a kid you have no sense of learning. One image of teaching as a galley, a punishment for children. While an adult it takes full advantage of what we want to learn ... WANT ... We do not want when you're small ...
I am also totally agree with you regarding the attitude some teachers ... that they should learn to do something else!

Susan Roux said...

Thanks Kevin. Everything's clear as mud now!

Virginia Floyd said...

Ain't it the truth! My first art teacher told me how I had to paint. The next one said that was all wrong.

I love the internet because I can alway find someone who tells me what I would like to hear!

Kevin Mizner said...

Martine-alison, you are right, my teacher could definitely have been better!

Kevin Mizner said...

Susan-- Glad I could clear it up for you!

Kevin Mizner said...

Virginia, I guess no matter what we do, we're following someone's advice, so we're not doing it wrong after all!