Oh, What A Tangled Web We Weave...

As many of us are aware, this year marks the fiftieth anniversary of President John F. Kennedy's assassination.  (If you are not aware, then come on out from under that rock-- it's a lovely day out here!) What happened on that day shocked and horrified the nation, so I find it strange that nobody younger than fifty can remember where they were when it happened.  I know I for one can sure recall the event like it was yesterday: I was just about to take my noon-time nap after finishing my lunch bottle (a habit I've retained to this day) when my Mom burst into my room to tell me what had happened.  She turned on the TV in time to see Walter Cronkite tell us the sad news.  I was so upset, I filled my diaper.

To this day, whenever I see that old clip of Walter breaking down, I have to clench...

In the ensuing decades-- five at last count-- it seems that many Americans are just not buying what the "Government" is telling us about the "Lone Gunman".  Who are they trying to fool?  What are they trying to hide?  Everybody knows that one guy with a gun can't cause that amount of upheaval on society.  Unless he uses it in a school, or a movie theater or something.  Poll after poll shows we Americans believe that there must have been some kind of conspiracy and cover-up involved, no matter how many times "Scientists" use "Evidence" to prove otherwise.  It's a God-given right that if Americans don't want to believe something, then it's not true.  It's in the Constitution.

And really-- If we don't believe the Government, who can blame us?  Think about it;  One guy with a cheap mail-order rifle fires three shots all by himself?  It's too incredulous to believe.  I, for one, don't.  We all know the bigger the crime, the bigger the conspiracy.

I firmly believe that the Mafia did it.  Follow me with this;  It's so simple, a child could understand.  You see, the Mafia was mad at JFK because they knew that his brother Bobby, The Attorney General, was coming after them.  So they knew JFK must go.  So they went to Dallas and found this dweeb Oswald to put the hit on Kennedy, but just in case, mafia hit-men were also positioned on the grassy knoll along the motorcade.  The mafia guys timed their shots perfectly with Oswald's to make sure Kennedy was killed, and to confuse all the by-standers as to where the shots were coming from, then the mafia guys got away scot-free, because mafia hit-men don't dawdle at crime scenes.  Oswald was left to fend for himself, because he was just a patsy whose use was done.  Unfortunately, the mafia had forgotten that Oswald still had a functioning mouth, so when he got arrested, the mafia was afraid he might spill the beans on them, so they sent Jack Ruby into the jail to kill Oswald and silence him forever.  The mafia also knew that Ruby would go to his grave claiming he acted alone, and would never implicate them because Ruby was a stand-up guy like that.  And for all those mafia types and hit-men who knew about the crime? That just shows how powerful the mafia code of silence is. It's common knowledge that no mafia man would ever rat on a fellow member.  Just ask John Gotti Jr. or Whitey Bulger.

Now of course the Government couldn't let on that they knew the mafia was behind the assassination.  So LBJ commissioned some dim-witted members of Congress, plus a Supreme Court Justice-- all of whom were masters in forensic and criminal science to investigate the case.  I'm kidding!  Actually, each member of The Warren Commission had a staff of around twenty FBI types who were experts in ballistics, fingerprinting, forensics, etc.  But they had to throw the evidence toward Oswald acting alone, because they knew that the mafia had incriminating proof of J Edgar Hoover's-- shall we say RuPaul-ish-- lifestyle.  So the investigating team had to cover for J Edgar, because if they incriminated the mafia in the assassination, then all that stuff about J Edgar being a sweet transvestite would come out, and he would lose his job.  Of course FBI Agents work for the Government, and therefore shouldn't be considered as real Americans.  That's why none of the dozens and dozens of them who worked on the case have ever come forward with a death-bed confession, or with certifiable proof of the mafia's involvement because fealty to the Government overrides any patriotic, or human impulse to right a wrong.  I mean, it's just common sense.

So there you have it.  As Sherlock Holmes would say, "It's elementary."  Can I get an "Amen!" to that?  Now, I'm not entirely wedded to the mafia conspiracy.  (Even though it's more logical).  Put a few beers in me, and I could see your point that maybe Castro was involved, or maybe even LBJ and the CIA had a hand in it.  My point is that it is easier to comprehend having hundreds, if not thousands of people involved (If you consider wives, girlfriends, and all else who might also know) in JFK's assassination than just Oswald acting alone.  A mountain of "Evidence" to the contrary be damned!  A multi-faceted, sinister conspiracy and monumental Government cover-up is the only scenario that works.

C'mon-- One lone young, messed-up guy all by himself firing three shots from a cheap mail-order rifle, singlehandedly changing the course of history?

You gotta be crazy to believe that.

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