Friday, May 24, 2013
Call Me Mr. Fussy Pants
I use to think I was unique: one of a kind, no one like me, no sir! When they made me they broke the mold. I was disabused of that notion when I went to a support group for unique individuals. I thought I would be alone, but the room was packed! Then it dawned on me: We humans are like snow flakes-- no two are alike; but taken together, we are a clump of amorphous sameness.
So I know what I'm feeling isn't unique. Anyone who has ever spent more than two days as a painter will know what I'm talking about here. You see, for quite awhile I just haven't been all that pleased with my paintings. Don't get me wrong-- I still love going to the studio every day. I'm still engaged and engrossed in the act of painting. I still am inspired every day to paint. It's just that lately, as soon as I sign my name to a piece, I want to pitch it into a fire pit.
You ever feel that way?
I think what I'm experiencing is the same fussiness a baby goes through right before they learn something new. Those who've had children will know what I mean. Watch a new born; they will act fussy for a few days before they learn to roll over. Then they are all kinds of happy. Until they want to sit up. Then they get cranky until they accomplish that feat. Then, they're all grins and giggles. Until they want to learn to stand... And on and on it goes.
Until they move out. Then they are all cheerful and optimistic-- until they want to move back in. Then they get all cranky again until you finally break down and say-- But I digress...
Where was I? Oh yeah-- painting. So, I think I'm teething or something. But the hell of it is-- I don't know what the next step is. What is it that I want to accomplish? Is there a plateau I'm standing on? But where is the way up? I guess it's through my studio door. Because, truth be told, I've been there, done that; I've had this same overwhelming feeling of Meh before, and I've come through it. It's all part of that individual growth challenge we all must face in our own way. Maybe it's one of the things that make me unique.
Just like everybody else.