Friday, December 7, 2012

Dear Mr. Santa

Dear Santa,

How you doing?  And the Mrs?  Please send her my regards.  Wow!  Can you believe another year has flown by?  I tell you, the leaves of the calendar were dropping faster than my prom dates dress.  Or does that put me on the Naughty List for saying that?  Regardless, this year I've prided myself on how good I've been.  I'm sure it hasn't been lost on you. 

Anywho, I'm sure the elves enjoyed taking a break from making gifts for the good girls and boys.  I mean, this was an election year, after all.  Am I right?  That said, I'm sure your coal suppliers were working overtime!  Hey, anything to keep 'em busy, I guess.

I want to thank you for your present last year.  Remember, it was a T-shirt that said, "Don't Starve The Artist!"  But as you may recall, what I asked for was not to be a starving artist.  Oh well-- I guess it's the thought that counts...

This year, I have a short-- but important list (because artists do "important" things) of what I'd like for you to bring me.  So if you can get the elves working on it, I'd appreciate it.

First off, I've been doing a lot more plein air stuff this year, and while what I've been cranking out is OK, what I really need is a set of Plein Aire Paints.  You know, the ones that have the sparkling blue of the sky, the luminescence of a summer cumulus cloud, and the brilliance of a sunset.  I'm pretty sure you last made a set for Willard Metcalf and Daniel Garber.  Mine must have been made by the "Meh" Paint Company, because they don't shimmer and shine like theirs.  Please have your elves whip up a batch of the good stuff.  I need every color you can make.  Thanks.

Of course, paints are well-nigh useless without brushes-- unless you're Jackson Pollack.  But my brushes don't seem to accurately portray what I'm trying to paint.  So, if you could throw in the Church or Bouguereau set, I'd find a use for them.  It seems to me like every one else has a set.  Just have the elves hold up on making any more smart phones. Aren't there enough already?

One last thing I'd like to see busting out the seams of my stocking is better painting ideas.  Right now it seems like every time I come up with an idea for a painting, I see that someone else has already done it.  And usually better.  What I need is my own brand of unique, not someone else's.  Have the elf that came up with the Chia Pet work on this one, will you?

OK, that should just about do it.  I know you'll be busy enough, soon enough.  I mean, you've got to cram in a whole lot of stuff in one night.  How are the reindeer holding up?  I'm sure the other reindeer are chomping on the bit to finally get a chance to take the trip.  You know, no one ever mentions him, but I heard Rudolph's brother was nick-named "Flashlight Ass"!

Or does saying that put me on the Naughty List again?

Peace On Earth, Goodwill Amen



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